An early life crisis and the stress that ensues

To say something hasn’t been nagging at me for a while would be complete denial. The fact of the matter is, though, I have been really fearful to say anything for worry that people or — let’s face it — I would be disappointed in me. Well, I’ve said it out loud to a few people so I guess I’ve reached the point where I can say it online.

I’m not sure that I want to student teach.

Even considering not student teaching makes me feel guilty, like it’s somehow saying I don’t think being an ag teacher is a good job. That’s not the case at all. How could it be? My dad is an ag teacher; many of my mentors and friends are ag teachers. It’s an amazing job to have. Just maybe not the right job for me.

Now, none of this is to say that I won’t change my mind tomorrow or in a year or in five years. However, today and yesterday and for the last few months, I have felt as though life wants me to take another path.

For the past year (as many of you know), I’ve taken on several jobs/internships. Two of them have been very communications focused. I’ve also been doing some freelance writing work that I have really loved and, for the past three years, I’ve been involved in the National Agri-Marketing Association (NAMA). All of these areas are things that, when I think about turning them into a career in communications, I get excited about. I wish that same thing were true of teaching.

So it sounds like I’ve got it together, right? Wrong. It’s two weeks from graduation and I’m hurtling myself into the great unknown of job-hunting. I’m still keeping student teaching as an option, but – finally – I’m going to start seriously considering some positions with different groups in and out of the state. I want to look at for-profits and non-profits, corporate businesses and marketing/PR agencies. I’m going to keep my options wide open and try to figure out what’s best for me in the long run.

Unfortunately during this same time period, I have a ton of work due for school and projects for my various jobs going on everywhere. Just last night I ended up in tears, mainly from the stress of everything culminating at once. I’m definitely going to be relying on friends and family to talk me through all of this and reassure me that it’s going to be alright. I’ve got a long few months ahead of me and right now the path through the woods looks pretty dark and twisty. Here’s to hoping, though, that there’s light on the other side.

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3 responses

  1. Amanda,

    I can really identify with this post. Whatever you decide, I am sure you will be amazing. Listen to your heart and be honest with yourself–those are the two most important things that you can do.

    I have recently resigned from my ag teaching position after teaching for 4 years. It was an incredibly difficult decision, but it was the best decision for me. I have a tremendous amount of respect for ag teachers, but I finally started being honest with myself and admitted that it wasn’t the right path for me.

    To be honest, I probably “knew” early on–back when I student taught or even when I was in the grad program. But I pushed on and ignored my instincts, which wasn’t the smartest move. Finally admitting to myself that I need to do something else has been the best feeling I have ever experienced.

    Although we don’t know each other IRL, you seem smart and talented. I wish you luck with your decision and job search! I know these decisions can be incredibly emotional, but there is light on the other side 🙂

    1. Thanks for your support, Sam 🙂 I read your last blog post as well and I could relate to everything you said. It’s a frustrating, scary and yet exciting time to go through. We’ll see where the ride takes us!

  2. Just saw this Amanda, nice post. Wishing you the best in whatever you do. Proud of you for having the courage to go with your heart and switch gears as needed, if it’s a little painful at the moment. Hope I didn’t give you too hard a time on Buzz!

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